Parenting: The Pro's and Con's of Physical and Non Physical Punishment

**Reader attention: Before you get started with this piece, note that I do not include any opinions or facts on corporal punishment in the school system. If you would like to see a piece written on the subject just post a comment and I will make sure that I write something per reader request! Thanks! ~Kristi

"To Spank or Not to Spank" is the question that many parents find themselves facing when it comes to disciplining their children. As parents, we all have to come to a decision on what type of "parenting style" we will adopt. There are many different views and opinions on the matter of whether or not to physically punish children. Many feel as if there are other routes that can be taken to teach them the difference between right and wrong.

Many psychologists believe that corporal punishment causes many negative consequences later in life; consequences that effect almost every aspect of a person's life from relationships with others to their relationship with themselves. On the flip side, there are many people out there that were "spanked" as children that believe they have turned out just fine, with no emotional problems, and who will also acclaim to the fact that spanking was the best choice method in punishment for them, as it is for their own children.

Spanking is legal in all of the United States, but according to an article found on Geocities (http://www.geocities.com/spankwithlove3/statistics.html)  there are 8 states, all of which are in Europe, that do not allow parental spanking. 

I think that there are many pros and cons to both physical and non-physical punishment. First, lets look at the pro's of physical punishment. Some parents believe that spanking a child lets them know that there are immediate consequences to their actions. When a child is too young to understand an explanation of why their action was wrong, some feel as if this is the only way to get their point across. Physical punishment also takes less time, when a child does something that is not pleasing to a parent, it does not take as long to show them that what they did was wrong. 

The cons of physical punishment are that they may have lower self esteem as they grow older. At times, some parents use spanking as a way to "vent" their own frustrations on their child, or they don't want to take the time to use other methods, or try explaining to them that what they did was wrong.  Kids of parents that spank sometimes also grow to think that hitting someone is the only way to deal with an issue, which causes more issues at the school level.

My personal opinions on the subject really all revolve around consistency. As long as a parent doesn't go overboard, and attempts other forms of punishment before hand, spanking a child is an acceptable last resort. Something that parents thta spank their children need to realize is that if they are not consistant with the way, and what times they punish their children, he or she will end up with a child that does not know what is right and what is wrong. If they only get in trouble for an action "once in a while" or they sometimes get punished firmly and sometimes they get let of easy for the same action, then they will keep doing the same thing over and over, in hopes that they will eventually get to a point where they get no punishment in that area at all. 

I also do not think that parents realize how out of hand they can get with spanking. I am a firm believer in the fact that when you spank a child, you should NEVER be angry, because whether or not you have a temper problem, it is far to easy when a parent is frustrated, to not realize how hard they are spanking their child. I think that if a parent is mad or upset at something their child did, then they should take a break, maybe put the child in time out, and take a deep breath. If, after they have removed themselves from the present situation for a few minutes, they still feel the need to spank, then it would be more suitable.

Spanking can go from punishment to abuse faster than any of us could imagine, and usually the effects of even some of the harshest abuse can not be seen until later in adult life, and sometimes, no one gets to see it, but rest assured, it is there. 

Whether or not a person decides to spank their child or not, is their own decision, but it is a decision that needs to be thought about, and not taken lightly. Children should see their parents as loving protectors, and someone to confide in and trust. If a child is constantly getting hit, with no other alternative, then they learn to be afraid of their parents. They learn that they can not trust or confide in their parents for fear that they will only be hit. So they start hiding things, and lying, which leads to even bigger problems. Some of which can not be reversed.

Also, as our children grow, and become teenagers a "spanking" is not going to be sufficient in showing them what they did was wrong. Let's face it, a teenager is a little to big to be popped on the bottom or the hand. So if you want your teenagers to listen to what you have to say then you have to start talking to them when they are children. 

All in all, with a lot of balance, self control, consistancy, and understanding, spanking isn't a horrible form of punishment. It isn't the act in itself that makes the punishment unliked, it is the person using the method, and the choices that person makes. 

We all love our children, and we want what is best for them, no matter what the cost right? So slow down take a deep breath and put yourself in their position before acting rashly. 

I also don't think that spanking should be a form of punishment passed a certain age. I want to hear your opinions... if you opt to use corporal punishment at home, at what age do you think a child is too old to be spanked? 

Also if you are against corporal punishment in the home, i would like to hear your opinions on that too, and maybe some other options to discipline in the home that parents could consider such as grounding, time-outs, taking things away from them, etc. 

Remember, i am on both sides of the line, i agree that spanking can at times be an adequate form of punishment, but in a last resort scenario, but as always, please remember that i respect your opinion on any subject that i post, and i mean no harm by any of the content in my pieces.

**This subject was suggested by Carmen T. (Az.)