Parenting: The Pro's and Con's of Physical and Non Physical Punishment

**Reader attention: Before you get started with this piece, note that I do not include any opinions or facts on corporal punishment in the school system. If you would like to see a piece written on the subject just post a comment and I will make sure that I write something per reader request! Thanks! ~Kristi

"To Spank or Not to Spank" is the question that many parents find themselves facing when it comes to disciplining their children. As parents, we all have to come to a decision on what type of "parenting style" we will adopt. There are many different views and opinions on the matter of whether or not to physically punish children. Many feel as if there are other routes that can be taken to teach them the difference between right and wrong.

Many psychologists believe that corporal punishment causes many negative consequences later in life; consequences that effect almost every aspect of a person's life from relationships with others to their relationship with themselves. On the flip side, there are many people out there that were "spanked" as children that believe they have turned out just fine, with no emotional problems, and who will also acclaim to the fact that spanking was the best choice method in punishment for them, as it is for their own children.

Spanking is legal in all of the United States, but according to an article found on Geocities (http://www.geocities.com/spankwithlove3/statistics.html)  there are 8 states, all of which are in Europe, that do not allow parental spanking. 

I think that there are many pros and cons to both physical and non-physical punishment. First, lets look at the pro's of physical punishment. Some parents believe that spanking a child lets them know that there are immediate consequences to their actions. When a child is too young to understand an explanation of why their action was wrong, some feel as if this is the only way to get their point across. Physical punishment also takes less time, when a child does something that is not pleasing to a parent, it does not take as long to show them that what they did was wrong. 

The cons of physical punishment are that they may have lower self esteem as they grow older. At times, some parents use spanking as a way to "vent" their own frustrations on their child, or they don't want to take the time to use other methods, or try explaining to them that what they did was wrong.  Kids of parents that spank sometimes also grow to think that hitting someone is the only way to deal with an issue, which causes more issues at the school level.

My personal opinions on the subject really all revolve around consistency. As long as a parent doesn't go overboard, and attempts other forms of punishment before hand, spanking a child is an acceptable last resort. Something that parents thta spank their children need to realize is that if they are not consistant with the way, and what times they punish their children, he or she will end up with a child that does not know what is right and what is wrong. If they only get in trouble for an action "once in a while" or they sometimes get punished firmly and sometimes they get let of easy for the same action, then they will keep doing the same thing over and over, in hopes that they will eventually get to a point where they get no punishment in that area at all. 

I also do not think that parents realize how out of hand they can get with spanking. I am a firm believer in the fact that when you spank a child, you should NEVER be angry, because whether or not you have a temper problem, it is far to easy when a parent is frustrated, to not realize how hard they are spanking their child. I think that if a parent is mad or upset at something their child did, then they should take a break, maybe put the child in time out, and take a deep breath. If, after they have removed themselves from the present situation for a few minutes, they still feel the need to spank, then it would be more suitable.

Spanking can go from punishment to abuse faster than any of us could imagine, and usually the effects of even some of the harshest abuse can not be seen until later in adult life, and sometimes, no one gets to see it, but rest assured, it is there. 

Whether or not a person decides to spank their child or not, is their own decision, but it is a decision that needs to be thought about, and not taken lightly. Children should see their parents as loving protectors, and someone to confide in and trust. If a child is constantly getting hit, with no other alternative, then they learn to be afraid of their parents. They learn that they can not trust or confide in their parents for fear that they will only be hit. So they start hiding things, and lying, which leads to even bigger problems. Some of which can not be reversed.

Also, as our children grow, and become teenagers a "spanking" is not going to be sufficient in showing them what they did was wrong. Let's face it, a teenager is a little to big to be popped on the bottom or the hand. So if you want your teenagers to listen to what you have to say then you have to start talking to them when they are children. 

All in all, with a lot of balance, self control, consistancy, and understanding, spanking isn't a horrible form of punishment. It isn't the act in itself that makes the punishment unliked, it is the person using the method, and the choices that person makes. 

We all love our children, and we want what is best for them, no matter what the cost right? So slow down take a deep breath and put yourself in their position before acting rashly. 

I also don't think that spanking should be a form of punishment passed a certain age. I want to hear your opinions... if you opt to use corporal punishment at home, at what age do you think a child is too old to be spanked? 

Also if you are against corporal punishment in the home, i would like to hear your opinions on that too, and maybe some other options to discipline in the home that parents could consider such as grounding, time-outs, taking things away from them, etc. 

Remember, i am on both sides of the line, i agree that spanking can at times be an adequate form of punishment, but in a last resort scenario, but as always, please remember that i respect your opinion on any subject that i post, and i mean no harm by any of the content in my pieces.

**This subject was suggested by Carmen T. (Az.)

Marriage and Sex in My Text

Okay, so we all know the controversies surrounding marriage these days. Gay marriage, right or wrong? Should it be legal or not? Are homosexual relationships right tor wrong? Is it okay for teens to have sex before marriage? Well I can't give you answers on all of these things, all i can do is give my opinion and hope it makes a difference out there somewhere. Before i get started, i want to say this, if you are reading this and do not agree with my thoughts, they are just that, my thoughts. It doesn't make me a bad person, and i shouldn't be judged for having an opinion different from yours...i willingly respect every ones opinions on these matters..to each their own..

Okay, first off... the question is gay marriage right or wrong? Honestly i do not feel that it is our choice to decide whether this is right or wrong. To tell them that it is wrong or unholy or to make false assumptions about people who lead this kind of lifestyle and think bad thoughts about them is committing a sin in itself. Matthew 7:1 states clearly that we are not to judge anyone, under any circumstances at all, or we will be judged at the same extent. Think about that next time you think ill thoughts toward someone who leads a homosexual lifestyle. I am not homosexual, but i respect their rights, and love is love no matter how you look at it. i know plenty of people who have known they were attracted to the same sex long before teenage years. So its not the school system that does this to children. At least not for the most part anyway. I don't think it is up to any of us to decide whether or not it is okay for two adult individuals of sound mind to marry each other or not. No matter what any one's opinions are, their opinions are not going to change, no matter how much people complain, or shove heterosexuality in their face. Everyday Americans try to tell gay community that the straight life is the only way to live to be accepted, so i don't think it is right to say they are shoving it in any one's face, they just want to be able to live their lives normally,and not have to live only in "the privacy of their own home" Its a two way street.

Now, onto the topic of whether it should be legal or not. The Lord is all accepting, he does not desert us, nor forsake us. He waits patiently for us to come to him. The only unforgivable sin is one in which you don't have a chance to ask for forgiveness, because we have a loving and forgiving God. For example, we can not ask forgiveness for suicide. That is my opinion... taking your own life is murder, but if you succeed, you do not have a chance to ask for forgiveness for the sin you have committed. So in which case, who is it hurting if gay and lesbian couples get married? You know, this is what i think about.. some couples that are together for years and have absolutely no one but each other in life; no family anyway. So what happens if they get put in a coma? or something very very drastic medically happens? We all know that our wishes when it comes to our incapability of making decisions, lie solely on our spouse or significant other, which means that if you are not married to the person in question, you have no say so what so ever in what happens to them. If they have no family, oh well. the doctor gets to make the call. I personally think that is just wrong. It does no physical harm to any of us for two men or two women to get married. none at all. So why is it such a big deal to everyone? I'm sure we all do things in our lives that someone doesn't approve of, and that someone we are around would rather not have to deal with, but we expect them to. Why? Because that is our right? As a human being, we all have the right to make our own choices, and to those of you who do not agree with this subject, okay. that is your opinion. Go on living your life, and don't' worry about what any one else does. How hard is that? why are you fighting so hard to keep it from happening? is it because you wont have control if it does?? news flash: you expect people to accept you for who you are, why can't you do it for others? Are you better than God? Because whether you like it or not, My God, who is also Our God, is all accepting. To those of you who paint a picture of Him that is in anyway different than an all accepting God, think about this, that may be the reason why so many people are straying away from getting to know him.

Okay onto the third subject on whether it is right or wrong to have sex before marriage. There are only a couple of reasons why i think sex before marriage is wrong. The first is that no matter who you are or how old you are, if you have sex before marriage, then when you finally do get married, there will be that bit of tension between the two of you because you have had past sexual relationships. So, to avoid the torment that is human nature to put on yourself and someone Else's mind, waiting until marriage is a good idea.

The bible also mentions something about premarital sex being wrong, but i think this is mainly geared at women the way it was put in the bible. Also the experience of one's first time will be with them forever and 9 times out of 10, if the experience is before marriage, it ends up being a regret. Also, there is nothing saying that sex before marriage necessarily has to be when someone is a teen. Many people wait until their twenties to have sex and are still unmarried.

The schools today teaching sex ed and teaching about protective sex is a good idea, but i agree with most, that it is a parent's job to talk about things like that with their children, not school officials. The subject of protection, in my opinion is something that needs to be heavily discussed with growing teens by parents, and is a subject that should not be avoided. In many instances though, parents are too scared to talk to their kids, or too stubborn, in which case children never get to know about what is the safest decision for them if they end up having sex. I'm not approving of pre-marital sex by any means, but telling a child "NO BECAUSE I SAID SO" or " ITS EVIL AND YOU WILL GO TO HELL" will ONLY make a child want to do that specific thing even more. Most parents don't understand that boundaries without explanation, do not go over well with teenagers. If they don't understand why you don't want them to do it, then they are going to do it anyway, thinking you are just a parent, what could you know? Having an open and honest relationship with your children is the best thing you could do for their well being. If they trust you enough to talk to you about different subjects, then they will trust you enough to listen to your good advice.

BTW for all of you out there that think that STD's are only contracted through sex, you are wrong..almost all std's can be contracted through things other than sex. Blood transference is likely, and for some diseases such as herpes, chlamydia, and crabs can all be contracted by using public restrooms. And for all of you women out there, sharing a razor with someone who has herpes (whether you know it or not) or wearing their clothes (such as pants, if unwashed) or using the same bath cloth can also transfer the disease. Std's are not solely sexually transmitted which should also be something that is explained to children, to further their knowledge in protecting themselves.

As a mother, as far as I'm concerned about gay rights, I support them. If one of my children made a choice (or realized who they are) and led a same sex lifestyle, there is no way that i could feel ill feelings toward my own son or daughter. i would be accepting of the decision that they made. we can't make our children's decisions for them, and if we could that would make them us, not them. i want my children to be individuals and think for themselves, and to trust me enough to talk to me and let me know things that are going on in their life. I don't want my kids to grow up hating or looking down on people who are different than them...because all that will do is make them hate the world, and everyone in it, and life is too short to be that unhappy. So to all of you out there reading this, I am happy to be a part of this world and i am proud that we are all unique and we are all different.

I meant this blog to be in no way disrespectful to anyone or their opinions. i respect whatever you may think, please show me the same courtesy.